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Mummers Parade 2022 Will Be Omicron-Themed

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Last year, the world and city of Philadelphia were gifted with the cancellation of the Mummers 2021 parade. This year, however, during the height of the rapidly increasing infection rates thanks to the omicron variant, the Mummers have decided, “let’s spread it some more.” 

Yes, Philadelphia’s oldest and most obnoxious “folk” parade is once again infecting our streets with their special brand of mediocrity. Philadelphians will once again be forced to navigate road closures while these colorful idiots do their bizarre dances, a bigoted form of what they call satire, and spread a virus that has killed over 800K people.

Happy New Year. 

Who The Hell Are The Mummers?

If you’re lucky enough to live in a city as great as Philadelphia, you’re also equally unlucky to be familiar with those weird, racist, drunk clump of tribalist idiots that call themselves Mummers. 

The Mummers are made up of local clubs – the Comic and Wench Brigades, the String Bands, and the Fancy Brigades. The Comic and Wench Brigades attempt to satirize but really just perform lazy racism and bigotry. The String Bands play instruments, I guess. And the Fancy Brigades performs a very strange dance that I can only describe as “bouncy umbrella foxtrot.” 

What’s really odd is that these people spend all year working on this only for it to be so… mediocre. 

The Audacity Of Mediocrity

Sure, the Mummers bigotry has been well-documented. They have said they’re making efforts to cut it out (Sure, Jan). Their long history of bigotry is certainly offensive, no question. But what I find particularly offensive is how lazy, mediocre, and entitled the Mummers are. They spend all year working on … that? 

They have the audacity to carry themselves like cultural gifts to Philadelphia and New Years. The Mummers spend hours upon hours building stage pieces that look like they belong in a low-rent middle school play. Their costumes are unoriginal, tacky, and obnoxious. The music is really annoying. 

And they have the unabashed gall to think they are bringing joy, culture, and celebration to the new year. 

Why Hasn’t Mummers Parade 2022 Been Cancelled?

I don’t know. Omicron is running rampant and the Mummers think that their special brand of mediocrity is necessary. 800K+ people are dying, but sure, let’s have the Mummers come and do their silly umbrella dance all over Broad Street while they spread the virus. 

It’Ll Be GrEaT fOr MoRaLe

If you have the luxury to stay far, far away from this unimpressive, bigoted, obnoxious group of cultural wannabes please do so with haste. This group of people cares more about their mediocrity than the health and safety of other people. The Mummers care more about being that guy than reducing the spread of a virus that has killed 800K+ people. 

Here’s how Philly’s “beloved” Mummers have responded to criticism:

One of them even decided to private message me on my personal Instagram:

And they won’t stop here either. These are the people Philly chooses to support?

Chris Blondell is a Philadelphia-based writer and social media strategist with a current focus on tech industry news. He has written about startups and entrepreneurs based in Denver, Seattle, Chicago, New Haven, and more. He has also written content for a true-crime blog, Sword and Scale, and developed social media content for a local spice shop. An occasional comedian, Chris Blondell also spends his time writing humorous content and performing stand-up for local audiences.

13 Comments

13 Comments

  1. Don Kedec

    December 29, 2021 at 12:32 pm

    Owners mag not have dental insurance? Could fly an airplane through that gap tooth you have!

  2. Mike Grant

    December 29, 2021 at 12:34 pm

    Imagine taking the time out of your day to try and bash other people who have nothing to do with you. And going even further to join a Facebook group you would never want to be a part of just to post the article and try to stir people up. Chris Blondell, you’re a loser. You have 14 followers on Twitter and live alone in a dirty house. No friends except the gap between your teeth. Hope OwnersMag takes a look at their own people.

    • Catherine

      December 30, 2021 at 6:14 pm

      No, let’s not worry about all the people that were killed by gun violence this year, just bash the mummers! What happened to your vaccine that’s supposed to protect you and your mask. People that grew up in South Philadelphia love the mummers and we are happy they are back this year, so just keep that mask on (that works so well…not) I’m sure your vaccinated so you have no worries…right?

  3. Bill A

    December 29, 2021 at 12:38 pm

    Everyone loves when a Democrat finds something he disagrees with, nothing but a slander filled article and a waste of time reading.

  4. Jeff F

    December 29, 2021 at 12:50 pm

    Wow dude. Show us on the doll where the bad man touched you. To have this much hatred for a parade is unhealthy. Here’s an idea, don’t watch and take a Xanax.

  5. Stevie Boy

    December 29, 2021 at 12:58 pm

    Great piece of shit writing from a fuckin loser who isn’t even from here keep it up brotha you miserable #$%^ bozo

  6. mr mummer

    December 29, 2021 at 1:05 pm

    you suck so bad dude just look in the mirror. your life must be so miserable you loser. chris blondell is a straight weirdo and is probably some yuppie loser who just moved to the city two years ago. weirdo ass yuppie no one cares about your opinion

  7. Shannon

    December 29, 2021 at 1:11 pm

    You’re just mad your a straight up #$%^ loser and can’t enjoy a tradition that has been taking place in Philly for years. Also last time i checked the FACTS the omicron variant of covid is not as deadly as other strains of covid. Take your liberal ass and get the fuck out because no one asked for your stupid article! These people who put hours of work into this parade are passionate about it and don’t need liberal #$% like you putting out your stupid ass opinion. If you don’t want to watch the mummers parade THEN YOU DON’T HAVE TOO. Obviously many people enjoy it and go to see it every year or it wouldn’t still be happening.

  8. _

    December 29, 2021 at 1:12 pm

    Was the thanksgiving parade omicron themed too or do you only care about people’s safety when it’s threatened by people you don’t like?

  9. Christine

    December 29, 2021 at 2:22 pm

    Your poor writing indicates that even through their drunken stupor, which not a single one will deny, they still emit more talent than you (especially the musicians). Given that fact, I understand why they upset you so. Your New Year Resolution should include learning to enjoy life, it’s short. This article is much more of a reflection of your miserable perception of life than it is about the Mummers. Enjoy the parade and Happy New Year!

  10. John Daly

    December 29, 2021 at 6:30 pm

    Looks like another progressive transplant who moved to Philadelphia and cries about everything that existed prior to his/her arrival. You are everything that is wrong with urban areas. You move into cities, gentrify areas populated with POC, displace them and then act like some race relation savior.

    Your take on the parade is juvenile.

    Please leave Philadelphia. The City of neighborhoods and brotherly love was well before you dopes tried to claim it as your home.

    GTFO

  11. Mummer mike

    December 30, 2021 at 10:11 am

    We strutting all over you haters #mummer4life

  12. Matt

    December 30, 2021 at 1:58 pm

    Talk about mediocrity, you write for “ownersmag.com”.
    This is your “career”, mummers is a hobby.
    When you write this article for a respectable publication I’ll consider your criticism.

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Entertainment

How Cash-Strapped Homer Simpson Manages His Finances: A Fan Theory

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the simpsons

Have you ever wondered how a constantly broke Homer Simpson can pay for everything? In Season 8 of The Simpsons, we see a gag that may well clarify the fictional family’s unexplained wealth. Read on to learn more about a fan theory around Homer Simpson and his finances.

The Simpsons

Incorporating real, modern-day family issues into an animated world, The Simpsons has its comedic foundation on concerns such as marital woes, work-related stress, and problems concerning money. We see Homer’s struggles with his finances as an integral part of many episodes most of the time. 

In Season 8, one of the series’ strongest seasons, there is an episode wherein a throwaway gag suggests that Homer isn’t as broke as we may think. On the contrary, it implies that the family is fairly doing well financially, with no need for extra cash. 

Related Story: These 12 Simpsons Predictions Will Give You Goosebumps

Homer’s Situation

the simpsons

Only a few families of today can totally claim that money is no object, and the Simpsons are not the exception, maybe even more so as Marge is a stay-at-home wife with only Homer doing the daily grind. Although we see her working from time to time in the duration of the series, they weren’t something permanent. 

Homer’s joke of a boss, Mr. Burns, is depicted as a greedy employer who always finds ways to cut corners. One of which is his way of being stingy with his employee’s paychecks. To add more to his meager income, we see Homer taking on additional hours to be able to sustain his family’s growing needs. 

This is especially true when one of his family members gets into a new passion or hobby. One example was when Lisa got into horseback riding or when she went into musical teaching. 

Quite the Opposite

the simpsons

Even though we see Homer Simpson and his finances in such a way, we often see them spending cash like there’s no tomorrow. In Season 6’s Itchy & Scratchy Land and Season 7’s The Day The Violence Died, we find Homer dropping humongous amounts of money. A theory by Simpsons fan awkwardhipsters on Reddit says that the family’s wealth comes from a scene in Season 8’s You Only Move Twice

This episode is where Homer relocated the family to Cypress Creek to work for Hank Scorpio. He went to great lengths to work for the guy as he got along well with him. What he didn’t know was that Hank was a narcissistic, egomaniacal, and arrogant person who was bent on world domination. Unknowingly, Homer even assisted Hank in one of his evil plans, which have resulted in the death of a secret agent.

In the end, Homer takes back his family to Springfield after giving up his job with Hank. As a farewell gift, Hank bought the Denver Broncos and gave them to Homer. Hank did this after hearing that it was Homer’s dream to own the NFL’s Dallas Cowboys. 

Surprisingly, Homer was disappointed with the gift, not knowing that the Broncos would win the Super Bowl three times after this episode was aired. The team is now worth billions of dollars, even if they lack the Twitter presence of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

The Fan Theory

And so, the fan theory is that Homer still owns a part of the team, the reason he seems to spit out money whenever he can. This may also explain how Homer can afford to send Lisa to an Ivy League school, as can be seen in Season 29’s Mr. Lisa’s Opus.

In addition, this may be why the family seems to have a limitless bank account. They never lost their house, they can easily pay for Homer’s never-ending injuries and his excessive time off from work.

And for other entertainment stories, read more here at Owner’s Mag!

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Entertainment

Review: We’re All Going to the World’s Fair

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Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey tells the story of a girl whose perception of reality is warped by her love of Gothic novels. Austen deftly weaves Gothic tropes into her writing before coming to a controlled, romantic ending. 

But how does the evolution from Gothic into horror affect that narrative? What about post-Blair Witch grassroots horror? How would Catherine Morland respond to the blurred line between horror and reality in our fragmented online culture? Enter We’re All Going to the World’s Fair.

Perhaps the greatest testament to World’s Fair is the personal memories it seems to bring out in its audience. Scroll through Letterboxd and you’ll find reflections on cryptic YouTube messages, creepy chatroom encounters, and friends who poured hand sanitizer in each other’s eyes.

Personally, I was too anxious a kid to get involved in the sort of horror ARG that this film’s protagonist, Casey (Anna Cobb), does. Still, anyone who was raised in the ‘00s or ‘10s knows about this sort of online supernaturalism. I knew my fair share of kids who got invested in the paranormal like Casey. At the very least, I was quite familiar with Creepypastas, which this film references explicitly.

What makes this film feel so personal is the online intimacy of its storytelling. With rare exceptions, World’s Fair is told entirely through YouTube-style videos. Even when Casey isn’t on-screen, we’re with her. 

The only true break from this is at the end, when JLB (Michael J. Rogers), the only other credited actor, gets a scene and a half of his own. His “other” is also a strikingly relatable one. Like any strange adult you interact with online as a child, he can be viewed either as a concerned guardian or another supernatural threat.

Not unlike Austen, writer-director Jane Schoenbrun is a formal virtuoso. She prepares an uncanny charcuterie board of internet horror ranging from 8-bit “found footage” to VFX-driven short films. 

Alex G’s score sets a chilling tone, as does Cobb’s refreshingly weird performance, but often the scariest part of the movie is the silent, rotating arrow that plays between videos. It reminds us that we’re watching from someone’s point of view, of the sensation of being held captive by late-night horror rabbit holes.

At the time, I felt a bit disappointed by the film’s optimistic, reality-check ending. Like Casey, I had been swept up in the game. As horrific and seemingly deadly as it was, I wanted to believe. It took me a few days to recognize that the film isn’t from Casey’s perspective; it’s JLB, watching Casey’s videos. That’s why we never see Casey outside of this altered, late-night state. We never know her family, her school, or her interests. Near the end of the film, we realize we might never have known her at all.

We’re All Going to the World’s Fair’s creepy, voyeuristic horror is closely tethered to our strange reality. It’s not just based on a true story, it’s based on a billion true stories. If you were raised on the internet, you may uncover one of your own.
We’re All Going to the World’s Fair is now playing at PFS Bourse and available for digital download.

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How To Survive The 5-Minute Internet Fads

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hand on plate

Since 2015, Tasty’s has featured hands preparing recipes for goodies like cheese-stuffed mashed potato balls. Tasty is a division of Buzzfeed that produces and shares content about comfort food. Each of their recipes is uploaded on their Facebook page and YouTube channel. Some of them have become part of today’s internet fads. 

Surprisingly, these “hands and pans” videos helped shape the internet as we witness nowadays. 

Tasty’s DNA is now in the TikTok food cravings for pizza or baked feta pasta. People sharing social media videos of hands-focused tasks like household cleaning or organizing drew inspiration from Tasty. So did the 2020 craze of knives cutting into a cake that looked like a Crocs shoe or a pickle. That video amassed almost 30 million views as people began sharing their version of awesome cake videos. 

Mainly, these internet fads helped establish smartphone videos as a primary tool that we interact via screens. The influence of Tasty might be everywhere online, but that doesn’t mean that it is easy for Tasty itself. 

The Tasty Overhaul and the Challenges To Keep Up With Internet Fads

Recently, the food entertainment website is revamping itself to lean into our 2022 habits. Aside from that, Tasty is also enhancing its app and business strategy. Their transformation will satisfy the constantly evolving food novelties and efforts to create our recipes. 

The BuzzFeed general manager responsible for the Delicious brand, Hannah Bricker, said that Tasty was confident with the quick-hearth churns of their endeavors and patterns. 

“Iteration is a component of our DNA. It’s been a technique ever since the beginning.” – Hannah Bricker. 

For example, in its app, Delicious is adding features to let people swap their recipes. Also, they are incorporating cook-together troubles for women and men preparing food online alongside one another. Bricker explained that people seemed to want additional individual interaction during the pandemic. They want to contribute alternatively rather than just acquiring recipes given to them. 

With so many online meals video clips on TikTok, Tasty is also teaming up with newbie video clip creators. For instance, in an arrangement with the supply application Instacart, dozens of TikTok creators will be equipped to publish Delicious recipes in just the TikTok application. Then viewers have the choice to buy the ingredients from Instacart’s application. Tasty has an identical arrangement with Walmart.

Bricker explained Tasty’s technique not as chasing every on net meals fad or the whims of popular applications but as embracing these in its primary id all around owning pleasurable foods. “Food is universal and private, long-lasting,” she mentioned.

The challenge for Tasty and many other brands is staying relevant and fresh at the fast speed internet fads when the only thing sure is change.

Tasty.co Milestones

Tasty’s Facebook page, created on July 31, 2015, has over 106 million followers. Their videos have received over 5 billion views as of April 3, 2021, and are the main content of that site. A video featuring pizza puff pastry twists has been watched more than 146 million times.

Tasty has four segments of recipes. Tasty Junior is for children. On the other hand, Tasty Happy Hour is for adults, with most of the recipes being alcoholic beverages. They also have Tasty Story and Mom vs. Chef segments. 

The Tasty YouTube channel was created on January 22, 2016. Their most viewed video, titled “I Went To Japan To Make The Most Difficult Omelet,” has garnered over 16.2 million views.

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