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Mummers Parade 2022 Will Be Omicron-Themed

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Last year, the world and city of Philadelphia were gifted with the cancellation of the Mummers 2021 parade. This year, however, during the height of the rapidly increasing infection rates thanks to the omicron variant, the Mummers have decided, “let’s spread it some more.” 

Yes, Philadelphia’s oldest and most obnoxious “folk” parade is once again infecting our streets with their special brand of mediocrity. Philadelphians will once again be forced to navigate road closures while these colorful idiots do their bizarre dances, a bigoted form of what they call satire, and spread a virus that has killed over 800K people.

Happy New Year. 

Who The Hell Are The Mummers?

If you’re lucky enough to live in a city as great as Philadelphia, you’re also equally unlucky to be familiar with those weird, racist, drunk clump of tribalist idiots that call themselves Mummers. 

The Mummers are made up of local clubs – the Comic and Wench Brigades, the String Bands, and the Fancy Brigades. The Comic and Wench Brigades attempt to satirize but really just perform lazy racism and bigotry. The String Bands play instruments, I guess. And the Fancy Brigades performs a very strange dance that I can only describe as “bouncy umbrella foxtrot.” 

What’s really odd is that these people spend all year working on this only for it to be so… mediocre. 

The Audacity Of Mediocrity

Sure, the Mummers bigotry has been well-documented. They have said they’re making efforts to cut it out (Sure, Jan). Their long history of bigotry is certainly offensive, no question. But what I find particularly offensive is how lazy, mediocre, and entitled the Mummers are. They spend all year working on … that? 

They have the audacity to carry themselves like cultural gifts to Philadelphia and New Years. The Mummers spend hours upon hours building stage pieces that look like they belong in a low-rent middle school play. Their costumes are unoriginal, tacky, and obnoxious. The music is really annoying. 

And they have the unabashed gall to think they are bringing joy, culture, and celebration to the new year. 

Why Hasn’t Mummers Parade 2022 Been Cancelled?

I don’t know. Omicron is running rampant and the Mummers think that their special brand of mediocrity is necessary. 800K+ people are dying, but sure, let’s have the Mummers come and do their silly umbrella dance all over Broad Street while they spread the virus. 

It’Ll Be GrEaT fOr MoRaLe

If you have the luxury to stay far, far away from this unimpressive, bigoted, obnoxious group of cultural wannabes please do so with haste. This group of people cares more about their mediocrity than the health and safety of other people. The Mummers care more about being that guy than reducing the spread of a virus that has killed 800K+ people. 

Here’s how Philly’s “beloved” Mummers have responded to criticism:

One of them even decided to private message me on my personal Instagram:

And they won’t stop here either. These are the people Philly chooses to support?

Chris Blondell is a Philadelphia-based writer and social media strategist with a current focus on tech industry news. He has written about startups and entrepreneurs based in Denver, Seattle, Chicago, New Haven, and more. He has also written content for a true-crime blog, Sword and Scale, and developed social media content for a local spice shop. An occasional comedian, Chris Blondell also spends his time writing humorous content and performing stand-up for local audiences.

13 Comments

13 Comments

  1. Don Kedec

    December 29, 2021 at 12:32 pm

    Owners mag not have dental insurance? Could fly an airplane through that gap tooth you have!

  2. Mike Grant

    December 29, 2021 at 12:34 pm

    Imagine taking the time out of your day to try and bash other people who have nothing to do with you. And going even further to join a Facebook group you would never want to be a part of just to post the article and try to stir people up. Chris Blondell, you’re a loser. You have 14 followers on Twitter and live alone in a dirty house. No friends except the gap between your teeth. Hope OwnersMag takes a look at their own people.

    • Catherine

      December 30, 2021 at 6:14 pm

      No, let’s not worry about all the people that were killed by gun violence this year, just bash the mummers! What happened to your vaccine that’s supposed to protect you and your mask. People that grew up in South Philadelphia love the mummers and we are happy they are back this year, so just keep that mask on (that works so well…not) I’m sure your vaccinated so you have no worries…right?

  3. Bill A

    December 29, 2021 at 12:38 pm

    Everyone loves when a Democrat finds something he disagrees with, nothing but a slander filled article and a waste of time reading.

  4. Jeff F

    December 29, 2021 at 12:50 pm

    Wow dude. Show us on the doll where the bad man touched you. To have this much hatred for a parade is unhealthy. Here’s an idea, don’t watch and take a Xanax.

  5. Stevie Boy

    December 29, 2021 at 12:58 pm

    Great piece of shit writing from a fuckin loser who isn’t even from here keep it up brotha you miserable #$%^ bozo

  6. mr mummer

    December 29, 2021 at 1:05 pm

    you suck so bad dude just look in the mirror. your life must be so miserable you loser. chris blondell is a straight weirdo and is probably some yuppie loser who just moved to the city two years ago. weirdo ass yuppie no one cares about your opinion

  7. Shannon

    December 29, 2021 at 1:11 pm

    You’re just mad your a straight up #$%^ loser and can’t enjoy a tradition that has been taking place in Philly for years. Also last time i checked the FACTS the omicron variant of covid is not as deadly as other strains of covid. Take your liberal ass and get the fuck out because no one asked for your stupid article! These people who put hours of work into this parade are passionate about it and don’t need liberal #$% like you putting out your stupid ass opinion. If you don’t want to watch the mummers parade THEN YOU DON’T HAVE TOO. Obviously many people enjoy it and go to see it every year or it wouldn’t still be happening.

  8. _

    December 29, 2021 at 1:12 pm

    Was the thanksgiving parade omicron themed too or do you only care about people’s safety when it’s threatened by people you don’t like?

  9. Christine

    December 29, 2021 at 2:22 pm

    Your poor writing indicates that even through their drunken stupor, which not a single one will deny, they still emit more talent than you (especially the musicians). Given that fact, I understand why they upset you so. Your New Year Resolution should include learning to enjoy life, it’s short. This article is much more of a reflection of your miserable perception of life than it is about the Mummers. Enjoy the parade and Happy New Year!

  10. John Daly

    December 29, 2021 at 6:30 pm

    Looks like another progressive transplant who moved to Philadelphia and cries about everything that existed prior to his/her arrival. You are everything that is wrong with urban areas. You move into cities, gentrify areas populated with POC, displace them and then act like some race relation savior.

    Your take on the parade is juvenile.

    Please leave Philadelphia. The City of neighborhoods and brotherly love was well before you dopes tried to claim it as your home.

    GTFO

  11. Mummer mike

    December 30, 2021 at 10:11 am

    We strutting all over you haters #mummer4life

  12. Matt

    December 30, 2021 at 1:58 pm

    Talk about mediocrity, you write for “ownersmag.com”.
    This is your “career”, mummers is a hobby.
    When you write this article for a respectable publication I’ll consider your criticism.

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Entertainment

What You Know About the Fatal Shooting on Alec Baldwin’ Rust Movie Set

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On October 21, a gun being used as a prop by actor Alec Baldwin went off on the filming site of the Western movie “Rust” in New Mexico. The unfortunate incident had killed the film’s cinematographer and injured the director.  A few months after the alleged Alec Baldwin Rust shooting, the authorities issued a search warrant for the actor’s cell phone. Officials believe that it could hold evidence that might be useful as they investigate the case. 

Baldwin held a revolver in one of the films’ rehearsals when it fired. He had asserted that Halyna Hutchins, the cinematographer, herself asked him to point the gun off-cam and toward her armpit before firing it. Joel Souza, the director, was also hurt in the filming site at the Bonanza Creek Ranch.

Baldwin said that he pulled the hammer back at Hutchins cue and that it fired when he let go. Likewise, he said he wasn’t aware that the gun contained a live bullet. 

What Investigators Found

Investigators have assumed “some complacency” in how weapons were used on the movie “Rust” set. They are preparing for charges. Plus, they have been working to identify the source of live rounds found at the filming site. 

Based on the search warrant affidavit, detectives are looking for any text messages, photos, videos, calls, or other information related to the movie and the suspected Alec Baldwin Rust shooting incident. 

Court documents show that Baldwin told investigators during an interview that there were email exchanges between himself and the film’s armorer Gutierrez Reed. In the emails, Reed showed him different styles of guns and that he had requested a bigger one. Baldwin ended up choosing a Colt revolver with a brown handle. 

Moreover, a search of Hutchins’ phone revealed conversations about the production back in July and photos of receipts from businesses in Santa Fe.  

Baldwin: “Someone is responsible” for the incident but “not me.”

In a separate interview with ABC News, Baldwin said he feels mind-boggling sadness and regret over the shooting, but not guilt.

“Someone is responsible for what has occurred, and I can’t say who that is, but it’s not me. Honestly, if I felt I was accountable, I might have killed myself. There is only one question to be resolved, and that’s where the live bullet came from.” – Alec Baldwin.

Baldwin explained that he would never point a gun at anyone and pull the trigger at them. He also confirmed that Hutchins directed him to point the weapon just off-camera. 

The actor also shared that 45 minutes to an hour before he figured out that a live round had been loaded in the revolver. At first, he thought that Hutchins might have been hurt or had a heart attack. 

Baldwin said he met with the Rust’s armorer Hanna Gutierrez Reed for a gun training session before the shoot. She appeared capable and responsible, so he assumed that she was fit for the job. 

Gutierrez Reed has been in question regarding the case. However, her attorney said she did not put the round in the gun and believes she was a victim of sabotage. Meanwhile, investigators say they have found no evidence of such a claim. Baldwin recounted no manifestation that crew members were unsatisfied with safety conditions on the movie set.  

Baldwin emphasized that the incident left him emotionally devastated in the same interview. When asked by an ABC reporter if his career is over, Baldwin responded, ‘it could be.’

Production of Rust was suspended indefinitely while the incident is being investigated. 

For other news, read more here in Owner’s Mag!

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Fashion Designer Sues LEGO For ‘Queer Eye’ Jacket

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That’s a mouthful of pop culture, ain’t it? “Fashion Designer Sues LEGO for Queer Eye jacket.” 

It’s true, New York-based fashion designer James Concannon has filed a lawsuit against LEGO. He claims the company made a “blatant copy” of a jacket he designed for Queer Eye cast member Antoni Porowski. 

Somebody’s hard for cash and attention, eh? 

Concannon claims that LEGO didn’t ask for permission to use the “unique placement, coordination, and arrangement of the individual artistic elements.” 

A side-by-side comparison of the jacket by the designer and the LEGO version show obvious similarities. They also show obvious differences in those similarities. The design has been LEGO-fied … or LEGO-ized. I’m not sure of the technical term. 

Well, Did LEGO Steal The Design?

About as much as they stole Star Wars or Harry Potter. The Queer Eye LEGO set is one of the more recent in a line of sets for adult collectors. There are also LEGO sets of Friends and Seinfeld

No word on whether Jerry Seinfeld or Jennifer Aniston are suing the iconic Danish toy company.

LEGO’s lawyers did admit that they copied Concannon’s sweet design. Just like they copied Chewbacca’s design for their Chewbacca LEGO. Or how they copied Iron Man’s design for their Chewbacca LEGO. 

Now, maybe LEGO had Disney’s permission to use those designs. In fact, I’m sure they had a deal worked out. Just like how Netflix, which produces Queer Eye probably has a deal with LEGO. 

Concannon, being a super cool guy about all this, claims that the hit Netflix series had always asked permission to use his designs. That was not the case regarding the jacket in question. Concannon claims he gifted this brilliant and unique jacket to Antoni and never objected to its use on the show in the past. 

It wasn’t until LEGO released the Queer Eye – The Fab 5 Loft that the designer changed his mind. 

Interesting.

Is LEGO Going To Have To Pay?

According to Julie Zerbo, founder of The Fashion Law:

Concannon’s jacket itself is not protectable. What’s protectable here – and what is at issue in this case – is the skull, the peace sign, the writing, and the placement of those elements on the jacket.

“In order to be able to really make a successful and viable case against LEGO, the court will have to find that these elements are, in fact, protectable by copyright, and that LEGO’s jacket replicates them in a way that is substantially similar.

“I don’t anticipate that this will be an easy case for James Concannon.

I’m not sure Concannon’s PR team is thrilled with the headline “Fashion Designer sues LEGO ‘Queer Eye’ jacket.” Kinda makes the New York designer seem like a whiney, greedy wimp who’s perpetuating a harmful letigious culture this country struggles with. 

But what do I know?

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Logan Paul Bought Fake Pokemon Cards For $3.5 Million

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Logan Paul, YouTuber, fighter, and idiot, is a known Pokemon enthusiast. He wore his $150K Charizard around his neck at one of his fights, if you were unsure of his enthusiasm. He has spent millions on special collections. This very same Logan Paul bought fake Pokemon cards for $3.5 million dollars. 

That’s right. Logan Paul bought fake Pokemon cards for $3.5 million. 

S#@! I Shouldn’t Have Thrown Out My Old Pokemon Cards!

No, you shouldn’t have. There is currently a Pokemon card rush hitting valuations in the thousands. That binder your parents told you to throw out could have been potentially worth millions. 

How Did Logan Paul End Up With Fake Cards?

Paul has shared some of his Pokemon purchases on his YouTube channel. This set in particular had some people buzzing online that it was fake. In response to the speculation, Paul decided to fly to Chicago to see the Baseball Card Exchange (BBCE). 

These are the card guys. The previous owner, card collector Matt Allen, claimed that this potentially fake set had been verified by the BBCE. 

Seems legit, right? 

Well…

In a dramatic reveal, Paul, Allen, the BBCE, and onlookers opened the boxes in question to find that they weren’t Pokemon cards at all. 

They were G.I. Joe collectible cards. 

We all got duped.

How exactly did the BBCE get “duped?” How did the most credible card valuation organization in the country confuse G.I. Joe for Pikachu? Do they even look at the cards they’re valuing? 

In the video, Allen said that he never would have purchased the set if it wasn’t approved by the BBCE. 

Paul, visibly angry, said in his super positive bro tone:

I’m a super positive person, bro, and I’ll always be the one to look at the bright side. And I’m trying by this is very hard.” 

Bro, you spent $3.5 million on G.I. Joe cards. Did you not look at them before you dropped millions? Are you making so much money that you can get “duped” for the views, bro? 

One thing’s for certain. Logan Paul bought fake Pokemon cards.

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