What The Hell Is Professional Cuddling?

Professional cuddling is exactly what you’d expect it to be. Cuddling for money. In 2021, you can hire a complete stranger to come over and cuddle with you for about $80 an hour. This form of therapy is completely platonic – no funny business. Professional cuddlers from companies like cuddlist are called day or night to cuddle with a client. 

I don’t know about y’all, but this whole professional cuddling gives me the heebie-jeebies. 

Wait, This Is A Real Profession?

Yes, it is. Meet Robin Marie, 48, who makes a cozy $40,000 a year snuggling, spooning, and hugging. 

“I spend up to 25 hours a week cuddling clients for work, then around ten hours a week cuddling my boyfriend, and about seven hours a week cuddling my cat.” 

Think she gets sick of cuddling? I know when I come home from work the last thing I want to do is more work. 

“I never get bored of cuddling.”

Shut me up, why don’t you?  

“It’s very rewarding. It causes the body to release oxytocin, the ‘bonding hormone,’ which makes us feel happier and less stressed.” 

It’s true. Cuddling does release oxytocin. Yes, it is “the bonding hormone,” but, frankly, I can’t see myself sharing my bonding hormone with a complete stranger for money. It kind of strips the whole bonding part away, does it not? 

I mean, we pay for all kinds of therapies but isn’t cuddling a little… intimate? 

Why Pay For Professional Cuddling?

Why not? It’s not really any different than any other form of therapy. While professional cuddlers aren’t exactly licensed (like psychologists, masseurs, acupuncturists, or any other professional therapists), it’s hard to imagine getting a certification in something as simple as cuddling. 

Seems all you need to do is read The Cuddle Sutra and you’re good to go. 

According to Cuddlist, professional cuddling is more than just lying down and spooning like a champ. Each professional cuddler listens, comforts, consoles, encourages, and whispers sweet nothings as you lie down. 

In fact, you don’t even have to cuddle. You can go out to dinner or see a movie. Whatever you want. Just no funny business. 

That’s literally the description of escort services, but you can call it “professional cuddling” if you wish. 

Could I Be A Professional Cuddler?

Yes, you can become a professional cuddler if you have no valuable skills and wouldn’t mind being intimate with strangers. You saw Ms. Marie makes a comfortable $40k a year, why not you too? 

Just look at this pro on the job!

She looks thrilled. 

There really is a profession for everything, isn’t there? Suddenly the life-sized Robert Pattinson cuddle pillow doesn’t seem so weird anymore.