Disagreements are a part of life. We disagree with family, friends, coworkers, and even superiors on a number of different things. In fact, disagreements are so common it is probably rare for a person to have never disagreed with anybody. Whenever they happen, it can cause friction or awkwardness. However, if you know how to handle disagreements properly, it can result in positive gains and better relationships. Here are some tips on how to approach disagreements.
Don’t Take It Personally
Do not involve yourself personally in the position, so you won’t have a hard time separating yourself from it. Try to view your position as “a position” rather than “my position”. The book The Psychology of Computer Programming, we see author Gerald Weinberg’s concept of “egoless programming”. His concept is of a team of programmers checking the work of technical programmers for errors. He discovered that the less defensive a programmer feels about his code, the more productive a review process is. A programmer who separates himself from his work has a smoother review and does not feel that the discovered errors are a personal attack against him.
Always Remain Professional
Many of us have heard about the adage “you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar”. If you are having a disagreement with somebody, make sure that it is because of certain issues and not because of the person. When in the office, treat everybody – even those with those whom you disagree – with respect and professionalism. Respecting others and remaining professional will earn you the respect of your peers.
Listen
Many disagreements can be avoided if we listen carefully. Avoid interrupting the speaker so when it’s your time to react, you can provide the appropriate response. If you need to interrupt because the speaker is long winded, summarize what you have understood so far before asking questions or telling them to continue. Remember that people express themselves in different ways. If you don’t listen carefully or interrupt often, you might find yourself reacting not to what the person said, but to what you thought he said.
Use Lower Voice
Shouting stirs up more anger. During a disagreement, it is best to lower your voice instead. Lowering your voice has 3 advantages. First, it reduces any tension. Second, it forces the other person to listen, and lastly has a psychological advantage because of its unexpected nature.
Watch What You Say
Once a word leaves your mouth, there is no way to take it back. As stated above, harsh words stir anger. What you say can fuel disagreements and even make them something bigger. Instead of responding immediately, count from 1 to 10 before opening your mouth to defuse your feelings. It will also give you time to compose yourself and think of a calmer response to the issue.
Once a disagreement has been settled, it should be water under the bridge. Do not keep score of disagreements. Dwelling in the past can lead to grudges between the other person and impact your relationship negatively. Learn from the disagreement and move on.
