Elon, You B*itch: Twitter Acquisition Deal in Doubt

I read in a recent news article that only 30% of Americans read beyond the headline before sharing an article. Now, I don’t know where that stacks up against the rest of the world—I couldn’t be bothered to read that far—but I’ll tell you what I do know: If it can’t be reduced to a short, snappy, easily digestible expression, you can’t expect it to sell.

If there are two things Americans love (and love Keeping Up With), it’s fast-food media and real-life super villains. 

To elaborate on the former: I’m talking about the real mind-numbing, smooth brain stuff we find rushing rampant at present moment. And we’ve come to expect it from the big-ticket media productions; Marvel’s fool-proof, made-for-fools formula has had pink sludge practically dripping out from behind the theater curtain for a decade and a half now. It goes back even further, of course; we’ve been collectively bumbling towards complacent simplicity for ages. But, now it’s penetrated into deeper, more socially-loaded avenues of our culture. 

There is perhaps no better example of this manifestation than the existence of our modern-day public square: Twitter.

Twitter’s Rise

Maybe you’ve heard of her? Launched back in 2006, the platform very quickly carved out its niche in the then-still-infantile social media landscape. And maybe it’s no coincidence that Twitter’s rise to the top of our preferred methods of newsy ingestions parallels our own slow decline into attention spans of infantile proportions. 

Whatever the case, Twitter’s unique 240-character limit provides a ripe platform for the aforementioned short, snappy style of media to run amock. Everything from political statements to self-help slogans and hand-clap-emoji-laden cultural decrees have been shaped by the formula.

And with that, the table is set for us to discuss the latter obsession: the super-villainy part.

If you’re on the up and up with Twitter, you’ve likely heard the news that Elon Musk has agreed to purchase the app for $44 Billion. And if you’re in the loop with that, you probably know by now that the deal hit a snag just before consummation. 

Elon’s War: How the Musk Twitter Deal Hit a Snag

The neo-mogul cites “spam bots” as the reason behind his concerns. More specifically, Musk and his team believe Twitter is in a “clear material breach” of the agreement, claiming that it has failed to provide requested information expected to be used in Musk’s own evaluation of fake accounts on the site. 

Earlier this month, Musk’s legal team penned an open letter addressed to Twitter, wherein it explains their mode of thinking. I read it and it sucks. 

I thought I might boil it down for you, but reconsidered; why spare you the melancholy amusement of reading first-hand the stiff-neck legal prose these societal menaces drape over their high-profile temper tantrums? Let’s gawk together, shall we? Hm?

“As Twitter’s prospective owner, Mr. Musk is clearly entitled to the requested data to enable him to prepare for transitioning Twitter’s business to his ownership and to facilitate his transaction financing. To do both, he must have a complete and accurate understanding of the very core of Twitter’s business model—its active user base.”

The Elon Musk twitter deal seems to be on the rocks given this alleged failure by Twitter to supply the proper date information. It goes on to say:

“Twitter’s latest offer to simply provide additional details regarding the company’s own testing methodologies, whether through written materials or verbal explanations, is tantamount to refusing Mr. Musk’s data requests. Mr. Musk is entitled to seek, and Twitter is obligated to provide, information and data for, inter alia, “any reasonable business purpose related to the consummation of the transaction.”

In essence, Elon and his Muskrats are threatening termination of the deal under the accusation that Twitter has lied about the figures relating to spam bots.

iShoudn’t’ve: Elon Musk Twitter Deal in Doubt

Musk argues this breach of the agreement provides him with grounds for backing out of the $44 billion acquisition deal. Is it possible that what we’re dealing with is little more than the world’s most laughably televised instance of buyer’s remorse? Or does this thing have teeth? 

It’s worth mentioning that Musk’s obsession with bots isn’t new. In fact, he’s spent the last two months airing his richest-man-on-the-planet grievances over them. Some experts believe this to be a tactical attempt at renegotiating the deal.

Since his initial bid, the financial markets have fallen quite a bit. And this might be his second chance at making good on a potential financial oopsie-whoopsie. 

Twitter suggests Musk’s concerns are unfounded given their complete and total cooperation in sharing information with the prospective owner. 

“We intend to close the transaction and enforce the merger agreement at the agreed price and terms,” 

a spokesman for Twitter said, adding that the company

“will continue to cooperatively share information with Mr. Musk to consummate the transaction.”

Musk is expected to address Twitter employees this Thursday for the first time since his $44 Billion offer. Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal announced an all-hands meeting to employees in an email on Monday, allowing them to submit questions beforehand. But the fate of the Elon Musk Twitter deal remains to be seen.

In Other Elon News

The billionaire has recently come out with early support for Florida’s Republican Governor, Ron DeSantis, as president. Desantis, who has not yet officially announced his bid for the presidency, is a noted ally of former President and perineal nuisance Donald Trump.

Musk also disclosed his recent Republican affiliation, stating he voted for the party for the first time this week in a special election for a Texas congressional seat.