Breathe Through Your Butt? This Study Says Yes

While most people may view the butt as a wasteful exit point, it can actually be a lifesaving entrypoint. No, not just for gay men. A recent study in the journal Med suggests that mammals may be able to breathe through their butts. 

Yes, really. 

The study focused on mice, rats, and pigs. All three animals were induced hypoxia and immersed in a tub of oxygenated water. Scientists found that the animals were able to stave off the devastating effects of oxygen deprivation via an oxygen enema. 

Here’s a graphic of the study: 

Look, they even drew teeny buttholes! That’s a level of detail anyone can appreciate. 

So, if need be, mammals can breathe through their tushies. It’s both brilliant and deeply, deeply hilarious. 

Butt Breathing in Nature

The concept of breathing through the butt is not a new one. Sea spiders, loaches, catfish, and others animals all breathe through their rectum in what is known as enteral respiration. This is a form of respiration in which gas exchange occurs in the posterior cavity of the gastrointestinal tract. 

Essentially, the butt absorbs the necessary oxygen in order to survive and excretes carbon dioxide. These animals have evolved to develop this in order to survive in low-oxygen environments. 

Nature can be quite innovative. With a sense of humor that cannot be beaten. 

How Can One Breathe Through Their Butt?

Butt breathing isn’t traditional in the sense that you inhale and exhale with your anus. Funny as that sounds. It’s easy for the rectum to absorb medications because of the amount of blood vessels. Think of a suppository. 

The one thing that makes it particularly difficult for mammals to breathe through their dumptrucks is the level of mucus that exists in the rectum. That mucus is designed to protect the inner linings of the rectum and intestines. 

The mucus would need to be scrubbed out in order to more accurately diffuse oxygen. That, unfortunately, can be a painful and risky procedure. There is, however, another way. An oxygenated liquid called perfluorodecalin can be used as a kind of oxygen enema. It enters the rectum and intestines, feeding the body oxygen, without disturbing the natural mucus buildup. 

This fluid does indeed make it feasible to “breathe” through the butt. 

Why The Hell Do We Need To Breathe Through the Butt?

Short answer, COVID-19. Because of the overwhelming need for ventilators, medical scientists have been scrambling to find alternative methods to help people breathe. So, for help, we turned to nature. 

The inspiration for scientific endeavors has often been nature. We want to fly? Let’s look at how birds do it. We want to make needles less painful? Bring me that mosquito. We need to find other orifices to breathe through? Pick up that sea cucumber, let’s see how that lumpy turd of a creature does it. 

Butt breathing is just another example of how nature can inspire science. These inspirations are critical to our scientific development. If you need a solution to a problem, take a look at nature. They may have a solution. 

Are We About To Be Intubated … In The Butt?

Anyone who has watched more than one season of ER knows about intubation. Hopefully you never get to experience it. It’s painful, but absolutely necessary if you’re unable to breathe on your own. 

It’s no secret that we are in a ventilator shortage. This shortage has forced hospitals to triage who gets a ventilator, when, and for how long. Some patients may have no choice but to try and survive without a ventilator.

And they may not. 

That’s why, funny as it sounds, breathing through the butt may actually be life-saving. It’s (arguably) not as invasive as traditional intubation and it appears to be an effective means of emergency respiration. 

Clinical Trials for Human Butt Breathing

Respirogen Inc. has registered a clinical trial for humans in this subject. Six healthy volunteers will be subjected to induced hypoxia. To counter it, they will receive oxygen rectally. They measure oxygen levels and their ability to stave off the effects of hypoxia. 

Don’t worry, they’ve considered “the poop factor.”

“In human use for treatment of hypoxia, cleansing of the colon will take place by standard enema or colonoscopy prep procedures, which are well-understood and accepted. 

“The use of an oxygen bolus delivery allows the procedure to be suspended and restarted as needed to accomodate a patient’s need to void,” says Bob Scribner, CEO of Respirogen. 

“Void” refers to pooping, if you didn’t use your context clues. An “oxygen bolus” is a gas bubble delivered into the rectum that can be paused in case of a fecal emergency. 

“Fecal emergency” sounds like the worst punk band name. 

This may be the funniest scientific development to come out in recent years, but it has a critical purpose. While we continue to suffer from a pandemic, we need to get very creative in our solutions. 

Thankfully, nature has provided us with an unlikely solution. We may very well be able to breathe through our butts. 

You know, if it comes to it.