Better.com CEO Fires 900 Employees Over Zoom

Just before the holidays, Better.com CEO Vishal Garg gathered 900 of his employees over Zoom to give them a very special message: 

“If you’re on this call, you are part of the unlucky group that is being laid off. Your employment here is terminated effective immediately.”

Well, someone’s getting coal in their stocking this year. 

But He’s Sad

“This is the second time in my career I’m doing this and I do not want to do this.

“The last time I did it, I cried.”

He said, noticeably not crying. 

As long as you feel bad, it’s okay to fire 900 of your employees en masse. Everyone in a certain tax bracket knows that. 

Besides, They’re Dirty Filthy Thieves

Garg is not without his reasons, though. The market is tough and some 250 of those employees were apparently “stealing,” in a Blind post he wrote. 

“You guys know that at least 250 of the people terminated were working an average of 2 hours a day while clocking in 8+ hours a day in the payroll system? They were stealing from you and stealing from our customers who pay the bills that pay our bills. 

“Get educated.” 

Bet he felt good about that last line. Like he’s a real tough, righteous guy. 

We Only Have $1 Billion To Our Name!

Better.com recently (like, super recently) acquired $750 Million from their largest financial backer Softbank. That’s, like, not nearly enough to pay 900 employees. There are Teslas to be bought this Christmas, for Christ’s sake. 

The mortgage company is now set to have about $1 Billion in cash on its balance sheet. Do you think they got there by hiring people? 

They’re Just DUMB DOLPHINS Anyway

Garg, which is surprisingly not a Klingon name, has a bit of a reputation for treating his employees with … um … what he may consider respect…

In an email obtained by Forbes, the Better.com CEO wrote:

“HELLO – WAKE UP BETTER TEAM. You are TOO DAMN SLOW. You are a bunch of DUMB DOLPHINS and … DUMB DOLPHINS get caught in nets and eaten by sharks. SO STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME.” 

I’m not even sure how I’d respond to that. How do you adjust your productivity when you’re compared to a dumb dolphin? Also, dolphins are highly intelligent so what exactly is Garg’s point here? 

I know it’s en vogue for CEOs to be “eccentric,” but this is just bizarre. 

A Merry Christmas… for Better.com

Shortly after the timely and merciful mass termination over Zoom, the Scroogely Better.com CEO addressed the rest of the company to tell them the great news. 

Better.com was going to have a “leaner, meaner, hungrier workforce” to lead to what he dubbed “Better 2.0.” 

Personally, I would have gone with “A Better Better,” but I enjoy clownish redundancy. 

At least the rest of the company has a nice holiday to look forward to. …Until they have to jump on a Zoom call… 

“If you felt in the past that people weren’t looking– well, everyone is looking now.” 

Right. But not for the reasons you think, Garg. 

If you want to watch the Zoom video you can view an edited version of it here. 

Merry Christmas and Be Safe, folks.